I haven't written in a couple of weeks. Things have been crazy for a couple of weeks. Every day we are blessed with new challenges and new understanding.
First came the news that my daughter's father was about to get out of prison. At first this brought apprehension and anxiety. Then we've been having trouble (perpetually) with some boys here where we live. We took a trip up to see my grandma who's losing her battle with Alzheimer's. We spent an afternoon with our favorite uncle, Mr. Mike. I've been hustling to get my daughter's supplies ready for school in a couple of weeks. This week my daughter is in a day-camp with a Star Wars theme. She was very excited to go as she thinks that light sabres are really cool.
The Chicago Bears (football team) are in town and currently holding their training camp across the street at the university. Their visit brings excitement to the town here, as business greatly appreciates the tourist dollars people spend here this time each year.
I would like to take some time to talk about role models in children's lives. I once heard that you can make a child into either a leader or a sociopath, depending on the environment that the child has to live in and the people in their lives. Role models are so, so important to children. If they don't have a good role model, they begin to turn, to become cynical and sneaky.
This is very evident here where I live. I can hear a parent tell a boy to go outside, but I don't see the parent play catch with the boy. I see a parent send their children outside, and tell their children "if you have a reason to come back, you'll have to come in", so the child asks my kid for water. I hear a mother tell another adult, "well, my son's gonna RESPECT me!", and create an environment where the son creates trouble behind her back. Another girl, 9, was outside at midnight, watching over her toddler brother and infant sister while the mother apparently "wasn't aware" that the kids were outside at that time of the night for a couple of hours. I can say, with a great amount of certainty, that these children don't feel either safe or protected or valuable in their own homes and that's a real shame. These are the same ones who turn cynical and begin to resent authority.
I know. I felt my father was a hypocrite and didn't trust him and didn't feel my mother protected me. I grew up feeling closer to other relatives than to my own parents. I became self-hating and self-destructive. I started smoking to piss off my dad. I really didn't even like to smoke, but it was an act of defiance that kept my spirit alive (at the time).
I've also heard someone say, "If you don't want to spend time with the child when they're young, they won't want to spend time with you when you're old". Don't you think that's true? Who wants to spend time with an adult who abused you, or never came to your baseball games, or was too busy working all the time to take you out for ice cream? I'll be the first to admit that as a single mom, my energy, time and money are all budgeted. I'll also say that I have to "budget in" time each day to just hang out with my kid. On Saturday nights we have a "family fun night", where we watch a movie together, play a game, maybe have popcorn and a pizza. It's sometimes exhausting to keep the "schedule", but I know that later on that we will both appreciate the time that we've invested.
I remember the times that I played cards and spent time with my Grandma when I was young. When I would come over, she'd make a favorite food of mine and sometimes she'd let me stay up late with her to watch the news, maybe even Johnnie Carson. I felt that we were friends. She still looks at me with those smiling eyes, like she's so proud of me. I am comforted by the familiarity. I can't go back home again, but I can remember feeling safe in my grandma's kitchen. I can only hope my daughter will have the same kinds of memories to keep with her on rainy days.
First came the news that my daughter's father was about to get out of prison. At first this brought apprehension and anxiety. Then we've been having trouble (perpetually) with some boys here where we live. We took a trip up to see my grandma who's losing her battle with Alzheimer's. We spent an afternoon with our favorite uncle, Mr. Mike. I've been hustling to get my daughter's supplies ready for school in a couple of weeks. This week my daughter is in a day-camp with a Star Wars theme. She was very excited to go as she thinks that light sabres are really cool.
The Chicago Bears (football team) are in town and currently holding their training camp across the street at the university. Their visit brings excitement to the town here, as business greatly appreciates the tourist dollars people spend here this time each year.
I would like to take some time to talk about role models in children's lives. I once heard that you can make a child into either a leader or a sociopath, depending on the environment that the child has to live in and the people in their lives. Role models are so, so important to children. If they don't have a good role model, they begin to turn, to become cynical and sneaky.
This is very evident here where I live. I can hear a parent tell a boy to go outside, but I don't see the parent play catch with the boy. I see a parent send their children outside, and tell their children "if you have a reason to come back, you'll have to come in", so the child asks my kid for water. I hear a mother tell another adult, "well, my son's gonna RESPECT me!", and create an environment where the son creates trouble behind her back. Another girl, 9, was outside at midnight, watching over her toddler brother and infant sister while the mother apparently "wasn't aware" that the kids were outside at that time of the night for a couple of hours. I can say, with a great amount of certainty, that these children don't feel either safe or protected or valuable in their own homes and that's a real shame. These are the same ones who turn cynical and begin to resent authority.
I know. I felt my father was a hypocrite and didn't trust him and didn't feel my mother protected me. I grew up feeling closer to other relatives than to my own parents. I became self-hating and self-destructive. I started smoking to piss off my dad. I really didn't even like to smoke, but it was an act of defiance that kept my spirit alive (at the time).
I've also heard someone say, "If you don't want to spend time with the child when they're young, they won't want to spend time with you when you're old". Don't you think that's true? Who wants to spend time with an adult who abused you, or never came to your baseball games, or was too busy working all the time to take you out for ice cream? I'll be the first to admit that as a single mom, my energy, time and money are all budgeted. I'll also say that I have to "budget in" time each day to just hang out with my kid. On Saturday nights we have a "family fun night", where we watch a movie together, play a game, maybe have popcorn and a pizza. It's sometimes exhausting to keep the "schedule", but I know that later on that we will both appreciate the time that we've invested.
I remember the times that I played cards and spent time with my Grandma when I was young. When I would come over, she'd make a favorite food of mine and sometimes she'd let me stay up late with her to watch the news, maybe even Johnnie Carson. I felt that we were friends. She still looks at me with those smiling eyes, like she's so proud of me. I am comforted by the familiarity. I can't go back home again, but I can remember feeling safe in my grandma's kitchen. I can only hope my daughter will have the same kinds of memories to keep with her on rainy days.
No comments:
Post a Comment