Well, here it is, the second official day of school, and I have an actual 20 minutes to write! I said last time that I would elaborate as to why I wanted to share my review of "The Disposable Male" with you all at this point. I could have included it before but I was waiting.
Something new has happened. After realizing that I wanted to run away from Trouble instead of deal with it, I decided to deal with it. That doesn't mean that Trouble won't come back, 'cause we all know Trouble comes back. No, it means that when plan A doesn't work and plan B isn't currently feasible, then, like Nancy Botwin, I must choose plan C.
Plan C involves grabbing the bull's horns, holding on, climbing on top, and riding that sucker (pardon the phraseology) 'til it's broken.
I was backed into a corner, and God gave me the grace to accept what I couldn't change. I found strength and I showed courage, despite the spit in my face.
A long time ago, when I was about 7 or 8, I found out that in order to get married, I would have to leave my mom. At 7 or 8, this was a frightening prospect, so I decided that I didn't want to take any chances of losing my mom, so I was going to be a nun. Years went by and like a good Catholic girl, I strove to be virtuous. At 10, I found out what porn was, 'cause it kept showing up different places. I was intrigued, and thereby my virtue-seeking days were coming to a close. My soul wanted to be chaste, my hormones were screaming otherwise. I was totally ignorant about how things worked, but curious nonetheless.
By 15 I wanted to find my special someone. When a guy would come along, I would think that he was "it". Needless to say, I set myself up to be hurt, and I got hurt. My parents didn't help. I got stuck somewhere there, and ever since I have either been with someone who hurt me, or I've been alone.
I've spent almost half of my adult life alone, and the other half either in a long term relationship or merrily choosing a random a-hole to satisfy my carnal cravings for the time. There have been a slew of 'em, many of which I don't remember now. I've had a love/hate relationship with men. I crave the intimacy with them but can't quite seem to get there. I know that I'm not alone.
I am telling all of this, now, because I've had an epiphany. I have let go of those old expectations and decided that from this day forward, whatever happens, happens. For years I wanted to get a good job, get married and have a family like my cousins did. I waited for my turn but all I found was an a-hole because that's where I kept my standards.
After reading the books by Steve Harvey (Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man) and The Disposable Male by Mr. Gilbert, and seeing the movie He's Just Not That Into You, I've learned a few things. Communications classes were only part of the puzzle. I only had the female perspective. Although the majority of my friends were male, I could relate to them only so much. I was in a state of confusion for years, even when I was in a relationship.
Well, God takes you back through things that got you messed up in the first place. Joyce Meyer made a joke (a while back) that we ought to at least give him as long to take us back through those doors as it took us to walk through them in the first place. So, here I am.
Ten years ago I woke up one morning and said to God, tearfully, "I hate my life". Two weeks later, everything changed. Ten years, a bad relationship and a daughter later, we are here, her and I, at the threshold of something new. I'm done trying to live up to others' and my own unrealistic expectations. It's up to me now to decide where we want to go from here, and up to God to provide the way. I am thankful that God has my back. He has shown me again and again that he listens to me. I am so grateful that he cares, 'cause sometimes it's only been me and God. It's a new day, and I'm going to be grateful for the one He made. Currently, I'm reading a book called "The Evolution of Faith: How God Is Creating A Better Christianity". It's been interesting. If there is anything good to share I will. God Bless You
Something new has happened. After realizing that I wanted to run away from Trouble instead of deal with it, I decided to deal with it. That doesn't mean that Trouble won't come back, 'cause we all know Trouble comes back. No, it means that when plan A doesn't work and plan B isn't currently feasible, then, like Nancy Botwin, I must choose plan C.
Plan C involves grabbing the bull's horns, holding on, climbing on top, and riding that sucker (pardon the phraseology) 'til it's broken.
I was backed into a corner, and God gave me the grace to accept what I couldn't change. I found strength and I showed courage, despite the spit in my face.
A long time ago, when I was about 7 or 8, I found out that in order to get married, I would have to leave my mom. At 7 or 8, this was a frightening prospect, so I decided that I didn't want to take any chances of losing my mom, so I was going to be a nun. Years went by and like a good Catholic girl, I strove to be virtuous. At 10, I found out what porn was, 'cause it kept showing up different places. I was intrigued, and thereby my virtue-seeking days were coming to a close. My soul wanted to be chaste, my hormones were screaming otherwise. I was totally ignorant about how things worked, but curious nonetheless.
By 15 I wanted to find my special someone. When a guy would come along, I would think that he was "it". Needless to say, I set myself up to be hurt, and I got hurt. My parents didn't help. I got stuck somewhere there, and ever since I have either been with someone who hurt me, or I've been alone.
I've spent almost half of my adult life alone, and the other half either in a long term relationship or merrily choosing a random a-hole to satisfy my carnal cravings for the time. There have been a slew of 'em, many of which I don't remember now. I've had a love/hate relationship with men. I crave the intimacy with them but can't quite seem to get there. I know that I'm not alone.
I am telling all of this, now, because I've had an epiphany. I have let go of those old expectations and decided that from this day forward, whatever happens, happens. For years I wanted to get a good job, get married and have a family like my cousins did. I waited for my turn but all I found was an a-hole because that's where I kept my standards.
After reading the books by Steve Harvey (Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man) and The Disposable Male by Mr. Gilbert, and seeing the movie He's Just Not That Into You, I've learned a few things. Communications classes were only part of the puzzle. I only had the female perspective. Although the majority of my friends were male, I could relate to them only so much. I was in a state of confusion for years, even when I was in a relationship.
Well, God takes you back through things that got you messed up in the first place. Joyce Meyer made a joke (a while back) that we ought to at least give him as long to take us back through those doors as it took us to walk through them in the first place. So, here I am.
Ten years ago I woke up one morning and said to God, tearfully, "I hate my life". Two weeks later, everything changed. Ten years, a bad relationship and a daughter later, we are here, her and I, at the threshold of something new. I'm done trying to live up to others' and my own unrealistic expectations. It's up to me now to decide where we want to go from here, and up to God to provide the way. I am thankful that God has my back. He has shown me again and again that he listens to me. I am so grateful that he cares, 'cause sometimes it's only been me and God. It's a new day, and I'm going to be grateful for the one He made. Currently, I'm reading a book called "The Evolution of Faith: How God Is Creating A Better Christianity". It's been interesting. If there is anything good to share I will. God Bless You
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