Purpose

Sometimes, when I get down, when things get rough, I need what I call "a punch in the arm".  There are a few people on my list who can do this service for me.  I am grateful for my friends who listen and offer something that I didn't see before.  Sometimes I can do it for myself by watching Joyce Meyer or Joel Osteen, who always seem to be sharing a message that is relevant to me.  Sometimes, God points out to me some little tidbit that reminds me that He's there and knows what I'm going through.

Recently, I've been going through a rough patch.  Financially, I've been struggling, and the relief that I was looking for didn't come, which means more struggling.  After struggling for a while (months, maybe even years), one can get down and wonder "when are things going to get better"?  If things happen for a reason and a season, it's hard sometimes to keep one's spirits up and keep going when there's no end in sight.

I'm going to share a little secret with you--sometimes I feel like a failure as a mother.  It's not because I don't feed or clothe my kid, or that I don't love her, it's because I see where we could be, and how life would be easier for her if we didn't live where we do.  This is hard to admit, because I have been driven all of these years to find a way for us to get out of here.  The economy is bad.  Jobs are so scarce here that 150 people line up for a crappy job at a fast food restaurant.  It is very discouraging.  On top of that, my vehicle is not reliable--it's 20 years old and  falling apart.  We live 30 miles from anywhere, so having a good vehicle to find work elsewhere is imperative.  When the car breaks down, life becomes more difficult, and I become more discouraged.

But here's the thing, the very thing that pulled me out of my funk recently.  I realized that time is short.  Sounds like a cliche' but it's very true.  I figured that at my age, 46, if I was lucky enough to live until I turned say, 70, that I only have 25 or so years left.  When I look at my daughter and realize this, I give her a big hug.  I realize that I need to make the most of my time with her, no matter what our financial situation is.  While I would have liked to be married like my cousins, living in the suburbs, with a big house, a pool, pets and all the other trappings of suburban life, God led me here, to this place.  And while I hate this place, I have something to be grateful for today--my daughter.

No matter how much life gets you down, you can find something to be grateful for too.  Time is finite, and we need to make the most of our time here, because life is too short.  Life is too short for lies and games, and life is too short for sulking about what we don't have.  Sure, we all want our kids to have a better life than we had growing up, but sometimes that's just not in the cards, and we have to make the best of what we do have.  So ok, we don't live where we want to and have a "normal" life like others we know, but we have something, we have eachother.  Sometimes you just have to be grateful for that, because that's all we have to hang on to.  

It keeps me grounded, knowing that my time here on earth is finite.  It helps me to stay focused.  I can get down, just like anyone, but I keep getting back up.  A close friend once told me he liked that about me;  life keeps knocking me on my butt, but I keep getting back up and when I do, I fight even harder.  God wants us to have a life that we can enjoy.  He said that he sent his only son for us, that we may have and enjoy our lives.  

Yesterday, I read an article in National Geographic about Bangladesh.  Bangladesh is a very poor country, which is flooded on a regular basis.  The people who live there have learned to be resilient.  No matter what hardships they face, they have learned to adapt.  They teach us all to let go of our comfort zones, and remember whence we came.  People have survived on this planet for a long time before our modern conveniences made life "easier".  These modern conveniences have cost us dearly, with our environmental issues, stress, financial instability, isolation from one another.  I was brought up to believe that these conveniences were the purpose of my life, and that I should do all that I was capable of doing in order to get them for my own family, so now when we are limited, I feel like a failure, like I didn't do what I was put here to do.

It's not true however.  Life isn't about the pursuit of comfort--it's about moving society forward as a whole, to be part of a larger community.  I now believe that I was put here to "stick up for the little guy".  I've seen myself do it so many times, when no one else would, that I know that God gave me a few of my talents for that purpose, because I have what it takes.  

I have a hard time, sometimes, because I start to compare myself to others, thinking "what did I do to deserve this"?  It's easy to follow the self-pitying path, but here again, I encourage each one of you to keep your focus, and do something nice for someone today, just to piss the devil off, because he'd much rather we all sit around feeling sorry for ourselves.